This post was written by an anonymous contributor.
Tokophobia is a condition that affects millions of women around the world. It is a fear or phobia of pregnancy and childbirth that can cause extreme anxiety, panic attacks, and even avoidance of pregnancy altogether.
The idea of pregnancy has always terrified me. Dread doesn’t even come close to the feelings of panic when I imagine myself pregnant. When friends post maternity photos showing off their pregnant bellies tagged with how many weeks pregnant they are, I feel a sense of relief that that’s not me. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy for them, truly, even if it’s not something I know I would be able to handle myself.
Part of me wonders if my fears were born from a childhood spent not relating to “girly” pursuits. I never wanted to wear dresses and I didn’t play with dolls. All my friends were the neighborhood boys who played with action figures and were into sports like football and soccer. I grew up in Birmingham, Alabama, and spent most of my free time outside in the dirt. I was very athletic and strong and I loved feeling like one of the boys.
As I got older and started to discover my feminine side more, feelings of dread towards pregnancy didn’t subside. If anything they intensified.
Then something terrible happened. My sister-in-law got pregnant and travelled abroad early in her pregnancy. While overseas and off the grid she acquired a serious infection. Being pregnant left her body less able to fight her infection. She is now permanently and severely disabled. She also unfortunately lost her child through a miscarriage as doctors tried to save her life. I felt horrible for my brother and for my sister-in-law. But my fears felt validated. This could have happened to me I thought over and over again.
I recently became close to a woman I work with. She is 15 years older than me. When I shared my story and surrogacy journey with her, she confessed to me “If I would have known surrogacy was an option, I too, would have loved to have become a mom. I’m also terrified of pregnancy. It’s too late for me, though”.
I don’t feel that I’m alone or my situation is all that unique. I’m happy to know that the word about surrogacy is growing. I see it as women helping each other.
No material on this Site is intended to be a substitute for professional legal or medical advice. Always seek the advice of your assisted reproduction attorney and reproductive endocrinologist with any questions you may have regarding surrogacy and local laws governing its practice.
About Surrogacy Place
Surrogacy Place is an online matching service that allows people seeking surrogacy services and surrogates to find each other based on criteria that’s important to both sides. We are an alternative to surrogacy agencies. Our mission is to connect American and foreign Intended Parents (IPs) with US-based surrogates. READ MORE